With news breaking that BMOrg have settled with Pershing County, speculation is rife as to what the sparsely populated Nevada backwater is going to do with all that burner loot — $610,000 a year, rising to almost a million if the population hits 90K or more. In a MoopNPlay exclusive, we spoke to Sheriff JW Pepper, who said, “there’s no dang way we can spend all those stinky hippy dollars if we continue policing the Burnin’ Man at current levels. We gotta come up with some news ways to spend that money. We’re taking a vote about it back at the police house and I’m pretty confident that we can bring in Hollywood tough-guy Jason Statham for at least a couple o’ days. He’s a big name and all, but if you’ve seen some of the movies he’s done on the Netflix, well…. I don’t think he’s that fucking picky about who’s paying his bills, if you know what I mean.”
When asked what policing need Jason Statham would address, Sheriff Pepper noted, “If those BLM fucks think they can steal our thunder with their drug sniffin’ canine units, just wait till you see the look on those glorified park-rangers’ faces when we roll up with Jason Fuckin’ Statham kickin’ ass, writin’ tickets and and puttin’ the fear of an honest-to-god, off-the-books ass kickin’ into those filthy hippy burners. Sometimes you just gotta make a statement. And Chuck Norris was my first choice but apparently all that dust would just kill him cause of his asthma.”
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